A Visit to Estonia

The past two weeks have been a reality check in Estonia. Kairit's life now takes place in one room of her comfortable apartment in the small town of Haapsalu. My visit confirmed suspicion that Kairit's optimistic nature and sense of humor belied the truth of her situation. When her boyfriend Anto is available, he carries Kairit into the shower that has been newly redone to suit a disabled person for bathing. However, one needs to be able to step up about six inches to get into the shower

room and Kairit is unable to do that.

Over the past few months, Kairit's mother, my half-sister, Aino, has taken on more and more responsibility caring for her. She can still walk a short distance to the bathroom with the help of a walker and a strong hand guiding her. Her gait, however, is less steady. Kairit is also having trouble sitting up in bed without help. She has less use of her hands and her fingers appear to be thinner and atrophied. When she's on her laptop computer, she uses her curled fingers to type on the keyboard.

To make matters worse, she and Anto have used up their mutual goodwill and their relationship is tenuous. Kairit understands that he is healthy and well and needs to move forward with his life. She does not want to be a burden to him or unkind but sometimes her anger at her situation gets the best of her. Anto has been a good help but the time is coming when her physical situation will require more trained and able caregivers. Aino will care for her daughter as long as possible with help and occasional weekend relief from another daughter who lives an hour away but works and has a young son. Kairit wants to stay home as long as possible but ALS is taking its toll physically, mentally and emotionally.

There is also still no consensus on her diagnosis. One of her doctors believes that it is yet possible that she has MMN (multifocal motor neuropathy) and has prescribed a drug called Imuran. The drug that is often used by some cancer patients is being used off-label here. She may experience nausea, dizziness, and other symptoms or she may have no reaction at all. My understanding is that if the drug helps her in a 4-5 month period, then she has the autoimmune system disease. The drug could itself cause cancer in the long term but Kairit felt it was worth trying for a few months to see if anything changed in regard to the motor neurons. In any case, neither ALS or MMN is a good diagnosis although with MMN one can live longer. In Kairit's case, does that mean a continuation of life in a room or would she be able to work, get out of her apartment, and lead a more normal existence? Or is MMN simply three different letters to a similar health issue?

Life in a room. Eat. Sleep. Watch TV. Read. Google. Email. Occasional visits from friends. Wait to deteriorate. Cry...while loved ones also cry and hearts break.